Retrospection

I used to be an avid blogger. I used writing as an outlet for dealing with my emotions, but I wrote less and less over the last few years. Today, I had a random urge to go through my old posts, and it’s interesting to remember how intensely I felt sadness and anger, but see that in retrospect I was just being overly dramatic.

The last entry was about failing my research paper for the ACCA’s - which, by the way, I appealed for and won. It had sent me into the depths of despair and I felt strongly that it meant I was going to fail at everything in life. While I’m still fairly sensitive these days, I’m glad to report that I’ve more confidence and self worth.

Since then, I’ve obtained 3 certificates in HTML/CSS, Javascript, and Python; and got a college diploma in UX design. While working full-time in finance, I also worked with two cool startups as a UX designer, and am attempting to start a clothing line. I moved into an apartment on my own, and am looking to purchase my first car. My citizenship application was approved, and aside from my boyfriend living far away in Germany, things are good. I’m grateful for everything I have, and I take the time to stop and smell the roses (both figuratively and literally).

Another thing I also used to really struggle with was the concept of home. I desperately wanted to feel a sense of belonging; some kind of connection to a physical place or country. I’m not really sure at what point I stopped trying so hard, but it also doesn’t feel like a missing piece of me anymore. I don’t have a conventional childhood home, and I’ve moved around - I can’t change that, and I can’t control it. The only thing I can do is love where I am now.

I was worried that after all these years, I would still be struggling with the same things. But I’m happy to see that I have grown, and that I know a little more about who I am and what I stand for. I’m happy to hear that I have a voice.